I find myself under house arrest. Technically I could leave at any time, there is no electronic bracelet attached to my ankle forcing me to stay inside, but I feel just as trapped. I simply just can’t risk using up gas going anywhere, or spending any of the few dollars I have left, to try and make this cabin fever go away. The uncertainty of when the fucking money will come, keeps me a prisoner in the home I desperately want to leave for good. I almost hate it as much as I need it.
Frustrating doesn’t accurately describe my life right now, painful is more like it. I feel like I’m drowning in time, it is everywhere, surrounding me, mocking me. I sit in front of the TV time drags for me, but speeds swiftly away for the rest of the world. The fact that is happens to be Christmas time only makes it worse. The irony is that when the much needed capital arrives, all this time will disappear, it will fly away from me and I will be chasing it once again, but at least I will be advancing.
More good news, forecast is calling for snow flurries tomorrow.
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